literally had 100 drinks last night.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
