Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
