I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
