i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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