he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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