Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
