i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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