Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
