Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
