broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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