Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize