Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
