Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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