No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
