Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
