She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
