oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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