party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
