Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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