YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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