Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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