I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
