I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
