Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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