WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
