I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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