Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
