'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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