If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
