I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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