I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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