Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Of course I have a pirate flag
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
