i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
