It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
