I just cut my nipple shaving
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
