I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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