Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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