I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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