Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So many bounce houses so little time
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
