I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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