I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
