The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize