I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
