They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
