maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
