I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Randomize
