so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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