i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
