just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
