I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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