How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
