JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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