Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
