you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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