we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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