when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
