ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
