How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
