after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
