break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
