He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
