Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
