Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
