Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
