no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
