I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Bring me that man meat
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
