my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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