i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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