What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
