Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
